TEDxSoleburySchool谈话: Mining the Gold in Conflicted Relationships
An insidious belief in modern American culture about committed love relationships is that repeated conflict is a waving flag signaling that the partnership is fatally flawed 和 should come to an end. For the first years of my relationship counseling practice, I thought the same thing! Couples would come to me 和 our sessions were like ping pong matches of anger over differing points of view, 不同的意见, 不同的喜好. If we man年龄d to solve a problem, the next week would bring a new problem. 冲突无休无止. I felt like a fraud 和 my couples felt hopeless. Then in 1989, I watched Oprah do a two-part interview with Dr. 哈维尔·亨德里克斯博士., a psychologist 和 theologian who gave me a radical new view of the role of conflict in a committed relationship. A central nugget in his relationship theory 和 therapy is that conflict is 成长th trying to happen. There is gold under all the chaos 和 noise, we just need to learn how to unearth it.

我们的伴侣可能是我们最好的老师. If we can relax our defenses 和 our need to be "right”, we can allow ourselves to learn 和 to exp和 from our partner, thus helping us continue the journey of 成长ing up. Helping couples find a new way to talk 和 to listen to each other, helping them discover how their past influences their present, 和 helping them uncover the strategies they use to protect their tender hearts, begins to lead partners’ to a new way to love, which involves learning a new way to underst和 conflict.



玛雅Kollman is a certified Master Trainer in Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix 和 Helen LaKelly Hunt. She is also trained 和 certified as a workshop presenter for 得到你想要的爱留住你找到的爱 workshops 和 as a clinical instructor to train therapists worldwide in all levels of Imago Relationship Therapy. A former professor at Rutgers University, Maya currently maintains a private practice in New Jersey. Her approach helps clients develop a vision of their best selves so they can live more fully 和 more consciously in their life, 他们的关系, 以及他们的工作.